Today was my "errand running" day. The kids were at kindergarten and play group, so it was just the baby and I (which always makes for easier errand running). I stopped by my Mr.'s place of employment so he could sign a couple of checks that were made out to him so that I could deposit them. Usually, I just sign the checks and deposit them (since it's a joint account, the credit union doesn't mind (unless you are trying to deposit a tax refund check- then they get all obnoxious about it)). Today, one of the checks was a rebate check from our credit card, and I could only cash it at costco, so I figured I'd be safe and have my Mr. sign it, even though our credit card is a joint account...
They wouldn't let me cash it- even though he had already signed it and both our names were on the account. Things like that make me mad. I can understand if my name wasn't on the account, but hello!
Before I got married, I had a Discover card. When Mr. and I got married, I sent a form in to add him to my account. Guess what happened... Discover Card cancelled my account and signed us up for a new one with him as the primary account holder and me as an "authorized user". Unfortunately I hadn't memorized my old number- and didn't realize what they had done until I had been using the new card long enough that I had the number memorized- who wants to have to memorize a whole new number again.
Yes, it's true, my Mr. earns all of the money we live off of, but I'm the one who pays the bills and buys groceries and generally keeps our lives running smoothly, so I don't really think I ought to be relegated to the status of "authorized user". My Mr. (who is a smart man) agrees with me and feels appropriate outrage over the whole thing.
From now on, when we sign up for something, we're using my name first.
8 comments:
"My Mr. (who is a smart man) agrees with me and feels appropriate outrage over the whole thing."
I like that! That's code for 'he isn't sleeping on the couch tonight'.
I wish you would talk to my wife into feeling more empowered about her 'stay-at-home' role. You have the right attitude about it. (Uh, not to say she has the wrong attitude, but there should be support groups for moms.)
(I think I just found my way into the dog house.)
I know exactly how you feel and my Mr. feels the same as yours. When we first got married I had to put him on the phone to say it was okay for me to change our cell phone service. He told them it was and then yelled at them for not letting me do it by myself. I'm also the Financial Planner in our family so I've started using my name as the primary user, but it's a pain with the ones that already have Jesse. It's like I don't exist!
I complained loudly when I was firt married and I would make financial arrangements and they'd put his name first. But then, we ended up having our name in the phonebook with me first, and that was awkward. So, I am pretty much over it now.
It's not so much that I mind whose name comes first, it's that it drives me crazy when someone tells me that I need him to take care of something that I think I ought to be able to do myself- like Kari's credit card example- I've had that happen too).
It happens in the workplace, too. As the chief financial person, I open accounts and manage the money, including the credit cards. Buet even though I open a cc account in the company name, I cannot manage the account, even though I know the answers to all the stupid security questions.
Home or at work, women are somehow not considered to be equal partners with their partners when it comes to banking or credit. There ought to be some way to get equal access!
The best thing about my Mr., Tyler, is that he isn't just pretending so that he doesn't get into trouble...
He really thinks it's dumb that costco wouldn't let me cash the rebate check, and he called (well, I called but they had to talk to him, grrrr) Discover Card to yell (in a semi-nice way) at them for making me an authorized user on my own account.
As for being a stay-at-home mom, it is hard. It helps me that I control the finances (being somewhat of a control freak). He earns the money, but I say what happens with it.
It works for us.
If you are the CFO, and you opened up the accounts, it seems ridiculous that you can't manage them. In a business that's even worse than at home!
(I'm feeling appropriate outrage for you)
This reminds me of a story back in 1989 when me and MY mister graduated from USU.
We were in the middle of finals, people were coming to town for graduation, and we were planning a move from Logan to California. We also worked full time... and we shared a philosophy class.
The final in this class was a "take home final" -- meaning you could just research the answers, fill in the blanks and get an A.
We decided that I would do the work on this one -- adn that I would then tell my Mr. where to find the answers and that he would write his *own* responses to the questions.
Let's just say that the Mr. didn't do the work, but instead copied my answers verbatim.
He got an A. I got a B+. The teacher wrote on my paper "I suggest that you keep your answers independent of your husband's."
True story. It bugged me to no end. I did the hard work and he got the credit. I remind the Mr. of this fact daily. It is a good thing he agrees with me. :-)
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